Praise your achievements

After a long stint of not very positive blogs (apart from the last entry) I suppose I must write what the title of the blogpage suggests, something POSITIVE!

As I have said in previous blogs I am an anxiety sufferer, probably for as long as I can remember.  I have cancelled appointments (one being an interview to become an air-stewardess) because the anxiety was too much to bear.  My recent achievement, visiting a prestigious commercial barrister chambers in Gray’s Inn, London, was probably my biggest challenge in terms of my anxiety.  Nerves were running so high my chest hurt from over-breathing and a racing heart and I felt physically sick.  I will admit, I contemplated on cancelling, but the information I obtained was well worth it!

Apart from the amazing experience, the invaluable information and contact that I received the day improved my mental health.  I have learnt over the years how harmless anxiety symptoms really are, but I could not deny how unbearably uncomfortable they were at the time.  Leaving chambers I learnt that a) I am still alive and healthy (most importantly) b) never let anxiety get in your way and c) the rewards are indeed fruitful.  I was very self-conscious of my social status, which was the likely cause of most of the anxiety, as a comprehensive school alumni and university drop out visiting a set full of private/public school and Oxbridge graduates!  But that was washed away when a wave of confidence came over me.  If I could do this then I could do absolutely, blooming ANYTHING!  I strutted through London like I was important (lol).

Whilst this is a massive achievement it is worth baring in mind the small achievements I have made.  At the time of this blog being posted I have been panic attack free for fourteen months, my paranoia and OCD traits has lessened dramatically and I can argue against my anxious mind more intellectually (‘no, that person is not laughing at me’ and ‘the outcome is very unlikely to be the worst case scenario’).  I even forget about the time I moved from the Kentish coast to London and planning on own wedding and often don’t view these as achievements, when they really are!  But are they really small achievements?

If a person with agoraphobia can step outside their home for the first time in ten years then that one, small step is certainly a massive achievement.  If somebody with social anxiety can visit friends in the pub with minimal anxiety and enjoy themselves then that is a massive achievement.  If somebody with major depression can get out of bed, wash and eat a small breakfast then that is also a massive achievement.  What we must remember is that our achievements should not be compared to other people’s, but compared to where we have come from and where we are now.  Anything that challenges the anxiety and depression and leaves a positive feeling afterwards (although this may not be quite the same after a negative experience, like visiting the hospital) is an achievement, and should be rewarded!

Sometimes relapses are more noticeable than achievements.  We all want to be free of anxiety and depression and set backs are frustrating (like experiencing a panic attack for the first time in months or lacking energy) but relapses are very common.  Instead of punishing ourselves with relapses we should use it as an opportunity to learn from previous mistakes (whether drinking that bottle of wine last night was a good idea or pushing oneself too far too soon), ride the relapse and get back to where we were before the relapse. 

So these are things worth remembering:

• Praise every achievement, no matter how big or small they may seem
• NEVER compare your achievements to others, in fact, don’t compare yourself to others at all
• Relapses are common, never beat yourself up if you do relapse
• Remember where you came from and where you are today!

Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts can be very distressing to the sufferer, as their mind creates images and ideas relating to harm, violence, blasphemy and cheating.  They can become so distressing that the individual will avoid people, places and situations that are related to the thoughts.

The vast majority of the public are unaware of what an ‘intrusive thought’ is, many probably experience them and dub themselves as evil and psychopathic.  An intrusive thought is a thought of the individual committing a horrendous act, such as physically or sexually abusing somebody, saying something or reacting very inappropriately to a situation (for example, laughing when somebody has said they have lost their job) or doing or saying something blasphemous.  These thoughts are linked to people who suffer from anxiety, OCD, depression and PTSD, although those with no apparent symptoms of these conditions can also suffer from them.

Many people will get these thoughts and dismiss them as so.  But when they become constant and distressing to the individual it can disrupt their quality of living.  Those who have these thoughts of harming a relative may avoid coming into close contact with them, despite the fact that they would never act upon the thoughts.

Whilst people are now becoming more comfortable talking about mental illnesses those suffering from intrusive thoughts will very much keep the thoughts to themselves, or if they do disclose them they do as with minimal detail.  I’ve seen many topics of discussion on internet forums regarding intrusive thoughts (mainly those asking for advice, rather than a discussion) and some begin to believe that they are a cruel person and a psychopath for even conjuring up these thoughts.

But these thoughts are a clear demonstration that those who are repulsed and or distressed by them are in fact sympathetic people.  A person who is diagnosed as a psychopath does not possess the ability to sympathise or empathise with others but themselves.  If somebody with an intrusive thought can feel distressed by them then they do not exhibit psychopathic qualities.

What we must remember is that these thoughts are not created independently or voluntarily.  These thoughts are very fleeting and can feel very sudden and out of the blue when they arrive, feeling very much out of the control of the individual.  If they become distressing enough to reduce one’s quality of living then treatment should be sought, usually in the form of CBT, exposure therapy or medication.

If you suffer from an intrusive thought then take it from me, you are a normal, loving human being.

Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners's negative message

I've watched Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners on many occasions, not for entertainment, as it seems to be the purpose, but to analyse the message it gives.  And with a second series now being aired it still does not reduce my frustration.

For those who aren't aware Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners is a documentary that takes those with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) who have compulsions to keep their homes germ free or minimalistic to help declutter those who hoard (who also suffer from OCD).  It is clashing two extremes of OCD.  The only aim I could get from the program is to allow those with OCD in minimalising and cleaning to tone down their obsessions by meeting those who are the complete opposite, and to induce some of their obsessions onto them.  If that really is the aim then it infuriates me.

On the last series I remember reading captions at the end of each episode, the ones that panged my heart were captions saying ‘It has made their OCD worse’.  How is this acceptable to happen?  Those who suffer from OCD experience anxiety when their obsessions are not satisfied by compulsive behaviours, for example somebody who is phobic of germs who cannot access a hand washing basin or anti-bacterial hand gel will experience anxiety and a fear of being contaminated.  Although exposure therapy is a proven technique to work for some people with different anxiety disorders this level of exposure is incredibly over the top and extreme.

I was intrigued to know what the public felt towards this program.  I went onto Twitter and was appalled to read the tweets.  OCD is often seen by the public as somebody who likes to keep themselves and their home clean, not understanding the anxiety that comes with it.  I've read tweets from people saying how they or somebody they know ‘MUST have OCD’.  Not only is it a pet-hate of mine to hear people self-diagnosing themselves with a mental illness but it shows that the level of understanding of OCD is still very poor.  Tweets that demonstrate how far we have to go in anti-stigma campaigning are ones that call the participants on the program ‘mad’ and ‘weirdo’s’.  I find that language unacceptable.  Not to mention the volume of tweets finding the program ‘amusing’, ‘hilarious’ and ‘funny’.  Only a few tweets showed understanding and compassion to those with OCD.

Channel 4 has made a massive mistake airing a second series of Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners.  It promotes a negative image of OCD and does not explain or show what OCD really is.  Channel 4 has taken a group of people, suffering from a serious illness, and put them through unnecessary anxiety for the purpose of entertainment.  This is not acceptable and I am shocked that Channel 4 think that this is acceptable.  Even if the participants agreed to be involved in this program this is still sending an inaccurate message of what OCD is, creating more stigma and discrimination to those who suffer from it.