What I hate about Christmas

Only a few weeks until Christmas.  Many people are already in the festive spirit.  Decorations light up homes and streets, shops are full of customers and it’s hard to have a conversation without mentioning the holidays.  People are happy and cheerful, but not all of us.

What does Christmas remind me off?  Poverty and loneliness.  Yeah, OK, not something you particularly want to read when you’re counting down the sleeps, but not everybody is in the festive mood. 

This year, despite making great achievements and memories, I have spent most of it in depression.  To some of my friends and family that may come as a shock, I might look OK, as I go about my days pretending to be so, but in my mind it has been gripped by darkness.  It’s somewhat become my default state.

Since November I have thought of Christmas like an impending dentist appointment.  The thought of buying presents, the thought of putting on that cheerful face and spending time with my family.  I sound like an awful person, don’t I?  Like me explain.

What I despise about Christmas is the importance of buying presents.  Think back to Black Friday on 28^th November 2014, pictures and videos showed shoppers fighting over products, trampling on people and ransacking shops.  It showed greed at its best.  There is a huge emphasis on buying expensive presents, and when money is tight it’s more important to get them at a bargain price.  Adverts show the latest tablet, laptop, TV, games and kitchen appliances that people crave.  But what about the people who try to buy their loved ones what they want when money is low?

Because of life circumstances during the last few months I have been unable to buy any presents.  The need to buy presents for my family has become consuming.  I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Do I buy presents and risk going in the red, cutting back on the heating and food bills, or feel guilty, frugal and disappointed in myself by not? 

And then once the presents are bought, there then comes the dreaded day.  Everybody is smiling, seeing family members for the first time in God knows when, smelling the food cooking in the kitchen, looking at the mountain of wrapped presents in the living room and hearing those familiar Christmas songs.  Everybody is happy on Christmas Day, it’s almost a crime not to be, but if you suffer from depression, if nothing else makes you happy, then neither will Christmas.

It’s the day where I have to act more than any other day.  When I want to avoid everyone and hide I have to join in with jokes, laughter, games and happiness.  Acting more makes me want to cry.  Why can’t I be that happy, I often think to myself.  I struggle to tell people how I feel anyway, but to tell them on Christmas Day?  Not a chance.

And when depressed people are portrayed as negative, and many other adjectives, invitations out to parties and dinners become less, or non-existent.  It can feel hurtful standing on the perimeter when you watch people exchange presents from exclusive Secret Santa groups and talk about upcoming Christmas Do’s that you’re not invited to.  It’s exceptionally hurtful when they’re the friends you lost from previous depressive episodes.  Who wants to be friends with a depressed person anyway?

Just to sound remotely human, I do honestly wish people happiness over the festive period, whatever you believe or celebrate.  I wish that upon everybody, every day of the year.

Suicide - who is actually selfish here?

CAUTION - this blog may be triggering.

Like millions of other people, I woke up to discover the news of Robin William’s death on 12^th August 2014.  As a kid from the 90s he was a man who brought me laughter and tears.  Whilst any death is deeply sad to discover, his suicide only makes it worse.  It has come to light that he suffered from severe depression.

Depression is still very poorly understood, by the general public and researchers alike.  There is still the perception that depression is an emotion, rather than an illness, and people cannot understand why those, who are surrounded by loved ones, money and good fortune, would want to take their life.  Researchers still cannot understand why some of us will suffer from the illness whilst others won’t, and what causes the illness.

What is probably more poorly understood about depression is suicide.  People perceive it as a cowardice, selfish or attention seeking act.  This is far from the truth.  People who are suicidal don’t want to hurt their loved ones, or cause trauma to others, they simply want to vanish, to not feel the pain (or nothingness) anymore. 

Depression, as an illness, is incredibly debilitating.  Not only does it sap people of their happiness and energy, it saps them of their hope.  Simple, daily tasks like having a shower, making a cup of tea or to make basic choices are a great challenge.  Things that people once loved doing, like seeing friends, baking, reading and more are no longer enjoyed and no longer bring any pleasure.  There is no care in appearance.  The senses are dulled, colour is no longer bright and sweet sounds just a noise.  Not only do people get headaches, joint pains, stomach aches and general pains, the mental anguish of feeling like a failure, worthless and a waste is far worse.  There is a feeling of nothingness.  And when it continues for weeks and months hope slowly slips away that there will be an end or a relief, and how people would be better off without you. 

With depression still somewhat a taboo and people too ashamed to speak out in fear of being stigmatised, is it really surprising that people wear a facade and try all they can to live on like nothing is wrong?  Is it surprising that people just want it to end?  That’s what breaks my heart the most.  It doesn’t matter if they’re a well known public figure or somebody’s friend from down the road, finding out that somebody has committed suicide is painful to discover.  How lonely that person must have felt, how much pain they must have been in, to end it in such tragic circumstances. 

And I somewhat blame the public for this.  Depression is seen as a weakness, a choice, and an emotion.  OK, it’s hard to really explain to somebody how depression feels without them having gone through it themselves, but at what cost does it take to be sympathetic?  How difficult is it to ask somebody if they’re OK, or to invite them over for a cup of tea?  If people can ask their loved ones how they are after an infection, an operation or accident, why can’t they ask their friends suffering from a mental illness if they’re OK?  People who suffer from depression, and any mental illness for that matter, need the love of their friends and family to carry on.  They don’t ask them to be an expert on their illness or to be their carer, they just want them to care and to understand that they may be having a bad day, or a bad patch.  Stigmatising somebody, telling them to ‘get on with it’ or to ‘stop being stupid’ only makes their pain worse.

That is selfish.

So, I ask you, if you know somebody who has a mental illness, just do one thing, for them.  Send them a text or Facebook message, give them a call, invite them over for a chat, visit the park with them, let them know that you care and that you are there.  It doesn’t take much, and that can go a very long way.  You could be saving their life.

Antidepressants – the falsified ‘magic’ pill

The problem with western medicine in that there is an emphasis on quick fixes.  Got an infection?  Get some antibiotics from the doctors.  Got back ache?  Neck some paracetamol that are hiding in the cupboard somewhere.  Job done.  Whilst this can work for some physical illnesses, this is not the case for mental illnesses.

The unfortunately truth about mental illnesses is that they take time, and lots of it, to heal.  For some, a few months or a few years, whilst others it can take a whole lifetime, or never.  Despite what these miracle programs like The Speakmans present, there is no quick fix.  Years of phobia, obsession or depression cannot be cured in a day (unless you are one of a very few lucky people out there).

Unlike pain killers and antibiotics, antidepressants take considerable time to work.  One of the biggest problems with antidepressants is how long it takes for the positive effects to take shape.  For the first two to four weeks (or up to eight weeks for some) symptoms of anxiety and depression can increase.  Different medication and different people experience different side effects.  Some are quite fortunate and may only experience mild shakiness for a couple of weeks, whilst some can experience extremely severe anxiety, dizziness, suicidal thoughts, nausea, weight gain, sleepiness and electric shock sensations.  For some, these are too unbearable to wait out.

And even when the initial side effects have subsided, the desired effects may not ever take hold.  The idea of antidepressants is to make the symptoms of anxiety and depression more tolerable to carry out normal day-to-day duties and for therapies to work better.  For some people the symptoms of anxiety and depression remain as so, or can worsen.  There is no definitive answer on how people will feel until they take the antidepressants.

I said earlier that antidepressants are to make the symptoms of anxiety and depression MORE TOLERABLE.  Unfortunately, people still believe that they are used to cure them, although I’m sure they have cured people in the past, I have yet to meet one of them.  There is still little understanding  why some people have anxiety and depression and others don’t, and what parts of the body are responsible, but there is strong evidence that talking therapies work far better than antidepressants. 

Antidepressants only mask the problem.  Sure, anxiety symptoms are uncomfortable and depression is hard to live with, but masking the symptoms does not treat the illness.  Talking therapies, such as counselling, Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy and psychoanalysis help to unravel memories that may have contributed to the illness, any feelings that need exploring and struggles that need a route to overcome, whilst talking to somebody who is impartial, empathic, and who can provide safety.  I cannot express the benefit of discussing something that is deep, personal and painful to somebody who you can trust, and that overwhelming feeling of it finally being off your chest.  And there is also the added benefit of learning coping techniques!  Different therapies provide different benefits, something that I will explore in a later blog.  This is worth discussing with a doctor or mental health professional when discussing a treatment plan.  

It breaks my heart and makes me want to slap my forehead at the same time when I read people posting on forums about how their antidepressants are still making them anxious or depressed.  It breaks my heart that somebody has clearly not explained what their true use is, and makes me sigh that yet another victim has fallen through the trap of false pretences.  I do not blame people entirely, I once thought that they were the answer, but it took for me to experience their effects and research to realise how very wrong I was.

I do not completely disapprove antidepressants.  They can truly help somebody plagued by severe anxiety or depression to take hold of their life again and it can make talking therapies more beneficial.  As long as the individual is aware that antidepressants are not a quick fix or a cure it can avoid disappointment and aid in recovery.

Work and mental health: help or hindrance?

It is widely documented that working, whether paid or not, boosts mental health.  It gives the person a social status, structure, something to keep them physically and mentally active, opportunities to interact with others and achievement.  If the work is paid it obviously brings about a financial reward which contributes towards living costs and treats.  The Royal College of Psychiatrists expresses these benefits and even suggests that the health risks of not working are far greater than other killer diseases.  There is also an economic benefit if more people worked, cutting down the amount of benefits issued, and the money earned circulating back into the economy.

As somebody who offers information to those suffering from anxiety and depression I always express how important work is to our health.  For those who are still very anxious of the idea of working I suggest voluntary work or entering employment on a part time basis.  However they work, whether it be for one day a week or full time commitment (providing that they are not over-worked) it is vitally important.

But how can I give this advice to people when I hear suffering as a result of work?

I am very lucky that I escaped (yes, escaped!) the retail industry and returned to health care.  Our staff levels were cut to dangerous numbers, which made us feel unsafe at work, and there was always a threat of being sacked for small mistakes, redundancies and shop closures.  I learnt that it was the lack of control I had over my work and lack of job security that caused my anxiety to sky rocket and depression to return more frequently.  Whilst I am now very lucky to be in a job that is not only secure but expects me to use my initiative which, in turn, has made me more mentally healthy and confident.  For many of my friends and ex-colleagues the stress and lack of appreciation is still bringing them down.

It is not only the retail industry that I see this happening (I will say that this does not apply over the whole industry) but everywhere else.  I have seen people working for the council, fire service, healthcare service, banks, and many other sectors suffering from stress.  More often than not this is over job security, fearing when their contract will be terminated and how they will survive, and being overworked.  I have seen people look pale, beaten down, thin and on the brink of breakdown because their work life is proving too much.

I have said since I started campaigning for better mental health awareness that work related stress needs to be taken incredibly seriously.  It is a health and safety issue.  If people are stressed this can cause a drop in performance, increase the number of mistakes, increase staff absences and the risk of developing a mental illness.  It is worrisome that employers leave this mental health hazard open and risk their staff to a lifelong, debilitating condition.  If employers stress the mental health implications of physical injuries at work then why can they not put measures in place to protect employee’s mental health in the first instance?

How can this be ignored when:

• Around 25 working days are lost per case of stress
• Factors intrinsic to work is the leading factor contributing to mental illness
• Large workplaces have the highest prevalence of stress, small workplaces having the lowest
• Workload is the leading cause of stress, with lack of managerial support coming second

(http://www.hse.gov.uk/statistics/causdis/stress/stress.pdf)

Further reading

Health and Safety Executive http://www.hse.gov.uk/

Royal College of Psychiatrists http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/

Signing off, for now

Hello readers

With a busy schedule I will not be posting any more blogs for the next couple of months.  This is because my attention is needed for my college course and in completing my novel for the autumn.  I regret that I cannot offer any time to my little blog page but I shall not disappoint in the future.

Take care everybody and stay awesome,
JB