'You have no reason to be depressed'

There are plenty of blogs, websites and documents that explain what people should and should not say to somebody who is living with a mental illness.  Most of the time these comments are said innocently, assuming what they say will change the thought process of the other person.  But with the fantastic effort of mental health charities and anti-stigma champions it is now at the point where ignorance is no longer an excuse.

The sentence that makes my skin crawl with unease and frustration is ‘you have no reason to be depressed’.  I have had close friends and relatives say this to me more than asking me if I am alright.  Why do I take such offence of this?  Firstly, it is personal, because the word 'you' is used.  Secondly, it is incredibly judgmental, as if knowing exactly what the other person is thinking and feeling.  People say this because they do not understand why somebody, who looks happy and well on the outside, should be feeling so low in the inside, and hope that saying this will trigger a thought in their mind.  Unfortunately, that is far from the truth.  Telling somebody who is suffering from depression that they have no reason to will only add more hurt and frustration.  Why is that?

• Depression is not an emotion, it is an illness.  Whilst people can control emotions, to a degree, people cannot control whether they will become depressed or not.  Considering how painful (physically and emotionally) depression is people would chose NOT to be depressed.
• Nobody has the right to judge others.  So let me use an example below.

Jim is in his mid-thirties.  He has been married for almost ten years and has two young children.  He works full time as a quality manager and the commute is relatively easy, his wife works at the local nursery part time.  He enjoys taking the children to the park to feed the ducks and reads fantasy novels in his spare time. 

The passage gives the impression that Jim has a somewhat idyllic life.  He works, he has a home, wife, children and hobbies.  But Jim suffers from depression.  You may read the passage back and think ‘but he has no reason to be depressed’.  Would you tell Jim that?  How do you think Jim would feel?

Let’s go back to the passage.  Jim is married with two young children.  The marriage is at breaking point and they constantly row.  One of his children suffers from autism so his spare time is often spent on the children to keep them entertained or calm.  He works as a quality manager.  At work he is getting bullied by other colleagues and the work is often too much for him to cope with.  Whilst he enjoys reading and taking the children to the park he has recently lost the enjoyment and interest he had for those activities.  Because of stress at work and home he is often overeating for comfort, he suffers from headaches, backache and stomach ache and he does not sleep enough, which is often fractured.  He is still troubled by a trauma from his childhood that often appears in dreams and flashbacks.  

People who suffer from depression will not necessarily have a situation in their life to cause or contribute to their illness.  For some people depression can appear out of the blue.  However depression starts it can leave the person feeling drained, hopeless and at fault.  People often over or undereat, have fractured sleep and rise early, suffer from aches and pains and become possessed by negative thoughts.  In some cases people may self harm, have suicidal thoughts or even attempt suicide.

Now considering how people feel during depression if you were to tell them ‘you have no reason to be depressed’ how do you think that will make them feel?  It certainly will not achieve the effect that may be intended.  It will only add to the hatred they have towards themselves, the frustration they already feel and the hopelessness.

So what should you do?

• Let your friend or family member know that you are there to listen.  A simple text to say ‘How are you?’ goes a long way.
• Make time to see them, suggest a day out shopping, dinner at a restaurant or watch a film at the cinema.
• Never judge and never assume how they feel.  Instead, say phrases like ‘I can see how this is making you feel.’  Never say you understand if you don’t.
• Avoid clichés, saying phrases like ‘pull yourself together’ and ‘chin up’ is counterproductive.  If it was that easy then people would not be depressed!
• Be careful of what you say.  Old phrases like ‘looney bin’, ‘mental home’, ‘you’re mental’ and ‘he’s nuts’ can be very offensive. 

Time to Change, Rethink and Mind have pages dedicated to tips on what to say and how to be there for somebody who is suffering from a mental illness.  Some of the information above has been pinched from those sites.  The links below will help you:

http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/talk-about-mental-health/tips

http://www.rethink.org/carers-family-friends/what-you-need-to-know/supporting-someone-with-a-mental-illness

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/how-can-friends-and-family-help/?o=9222#.U1T9c1VdXL0

Remember, that one text, note or conversation could make a huge difference to somebody who is suffering from a mental illness.  Let somebody know today that you are thinking of them.  

‘Asylum’ and ‘mental patient’ themes – too PC or is it reinforcing a stereotype?

Looking on Twitter, Facebook and the BBC website I see articles and blogs reporting on how Thorpe Park’s The Asylum maze is stigmatising mental illnesses and portraying psychiatric wards negatively.  This comes weeks after supermarket chains Tesco and Asda removed their ‘mental patient’ themed Halloween costumes when they were deemed too stigmatising (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24278768).  There is a clear definition between mental health charities and anti-stigma campaigners who agree that there should be a name and theme change, but some of the general public have commented that this is becoming too politically correct and it is just a popular Halloween theme that has caused no issues in the past.

As an anti-stigma and anti-discrimination campaigner myself I can see both sides to this issue.  Firstly, I do agree that it is stigmatising.  Recently I spoke to people regarding mental health treatment and they often used the words like ‘psycho’ and ‘mad’ to define those needing treatment and describing the psychiatric wards as ‘mental homes’, ‘loony bins’ and ‘asylums’.   It always leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I hear these words as it describes these wards as scary, dangerous and dark, how ‘asylums’ are depicted in the media.  It’s also a reminder of the atrocious care that those with mental health problems received decades ago through electrical compulsion therapy.  Therefore I believe these themes reinforce the whole mental illness spectrum, and those with mental health problems, as an area of uncertainty, instability, danger and fear.  Rethink Mental Illness conducted a vote on their Twitter page for or against the ‘asylum’ theme, which shows a overwhelming ‘No’ (http://topsy.com/analytics?q1=%23asylumOK&q2=%23asylumNO&via=Topsy)

Flipping the coin, I can see why the general public think that this is political correctness taking over.  Thorpe Park commented that their The Asylum maze, for their annual Fright Nights Halloween theme, which has been operating for an eighth year running, has not caused issues in the past (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24278768).  We have to take a step back and view the Halloween themes, vampires, walking mummies, werewolves and other well-known Halloween characters.  These are all unreal with their intention to be perceived as scary and frightful.  The feeling towards the stereotypical ‘mental patient’ and ‘psycho’ fits this theme.  Games like Batman’s Arkham Asylum takes the player to a psychiatric prison for the criminally insane where the Joker, who has always been depicted as a psychopath, has caused trouble.  Films, that are popular to this day, like Silence of the Lamb and The Shining, have psychopaths as the villain.

I am sitting on the fence when it comes to this issue.  I, personally, am not a fan of the ‘psychopath’ and ‘asylum’ themed rides, events and media, whether that’s because of it’s stereotypical connection to my illness or as a matter of taste.  Members of the public (especially if you read comments on articles regarding this issue) think that mental health charities are taking this issue too far, some going as far to say that they are reinforcing the stigma and making it more of a taboo themselves.  I can see why they think this is so, but I do believe that this fantasy image of mental health is too imbedded into popular belief.  Mental health units and psychiatric wards are not places of danger or fear, but a bright place of safety and help.  I do believe that once the general public see mental illness and wards the way they deserve to be depicted then these ‘asylum’ and ‘psycho’ themed costumes and rides will become more acceptable.

Why The Sun's headline was irresponsible

On Monday 7^th October popular tabloid newspaper The Sun published on their front page ‘1,200 killed by mental patients’.  When I went onto Twitter that morning my feeds were full of tweets regarding the headline from mental health charities and other followers.  It shocked me so much I didn’t believe it at first, until I went onto the tabloid’s website.

The Sun is completely irresponsible for publishing such a headline.  The headline itself, the phrase ‘mental patient’ reminds me of stories of patients suffering inhumane treatment back in the ’70s and ‘80s.  It’s a term, which is derogatory, means a patient who is suffering from a mental illness and receiving treatment.  According to The Sun I am a ‘mental patient’, along with millions of other Britons undergoing treatment for their mental health problems.  The Sun, along with other media, must make an effort in using more acceptable language when addressing someone who has a mental illness.  Mind, a mental health charity, already has a page on this very subject:  http://www.mind.org.uk/help/media/how_to_report_on_health

It was made clear by other tabloids and media that the statistics used by The Sun were fabricated.  Half of those killed were by people with a mental health problem diagnosed BEFORE the murder, the other half by those diagnosed AFTERWARDS.  But looking at statistics of all homicides committed in the UK in that 10 year time span of 2001-2011 those deaths account for 5% of all homicides.  It is still a tragedy that any murder is committed but if The Sun want a shock factor in high number of deaths then they may want to turn their attention to road traffic accidents and drinking related incidents.

What we all must remember is that this level of violence from those with a mental illness is RARE.  Unfortunately films and other entertainment have branded those with schizophrenia and other serious mental illnesses as unstable and dangerous when this really is not the case.  With the correct treatment plan they can lead a normal day-to-day life with limited problems.

Charities such as Mind, Rethink and Time to Change have all worked hard to help end stigma and discrimination against those with a mental illness and irresponsibility from tabloids, like The Sun, ruin their work.  I try to be honest about my illness, it’s my way of breaking the taboo, but since this headline has been published I don’t want to risk being discriminated against.  I am also concerned that this headline will make the public believe that those with a mental illness are dangerous, if so I worry for their safety.  After all, it has been proven that those with a mental illness are more likely to be a victim of crime than the rest of the public.