'You have no reason to be depressed'

There are plenty of blogs, websites and documents that explain what people should and should not say to somebody who is living with a mental illness.  Most of the time these comments are said innocently, assuming what they say will change the thought process of the other person.  But with the fantastic effort of mental health charities and anti-stigma champions it is now at the point where ignorance is no longer an excuse.

The sentence that makes my skin crawl with unease and frustration is ‘you have no reason to be depressed’.  I have had close friends and relatives say this to me more than asking me if I am alright.  Why do I take such offence of this?  Firstly, it is personal, because the word 'you' is used.  Secondly, it is incredibly judgmental, as if knowing exactly what the other person is thinking and feeling.  People say this because they do not understand why somebody, who looks happy and well on the outside, should be feeling so low in the inside, and hope that saying this will trigger a thought in their mind.  Unfortunately, that is far from the truth.  Telling somebody who is suffering from depression that they have no reason to will only add more hurt and frustration.  Why is that?

• Depression is not an emotion, it is an illness.  Whilst people can control emotions, to a degree, people cannot control whether they will become depressed or not.  Considering how painful (physically and emotionally) depression is people would chose NOT to be depressed.
• Nobody has the right to judge others.  So let me use an example below.

Jim is in his mid-thirties.  He has been married for almost ten years and has two young children.  He works full time as a quality manager and the commute is relatively easy, his wife works at the local nursery part time.  He enjoys taking the children to the park to feed the ducks and reads fantasy novels in his spare time. 

The passage gives the impression that Jim has a somewhat idyllic life.  He works, he has a home, wife, children and hobbies.  But Jim suffers from depression.  You may read the passage back and think ‘but he has no reason to be depressed’.  Would you tell Jim that?  How do you think Jim would feel?

Let’s go back to the passage.  Jim is married with two young children.  The marriage is at breaking point and they constantly row.  One of his children suffers from autism so his spare time is often spent on the children to keep them entertained or calm.  He works as a quality manager.  At work he is getting bullied by other colleagues and the work is often too much for him to cope with.  Whilst he enjoys reading and taking the children to the park he has recently lost the enjoyment and interest he had for those activities.  Because of stress at work and home he is often overeating for comfort, he suffers from headaches, backache and stomach ache and he does not sleep enough, which is often fractured.  He is still troubled by a trauma from his childhood that often appears in dreams and flashbacks.  

People who suffer from depression will not necessarily have a situation in their life to cause or contribute to their illness.  For some people depression can appear out of the blue.  However depression starts it can leave the person feeling drained, hopeless and at fault.  People often over or undereat, have fractured sleep and rise early, suffer from aches and pains and become possessed by negative thoughts.  In some cases people may self harm, have suicidal thoughts or even attempt suicide.

Now considering how people feel during depression if you were to tell them ‘you have no reason to be depressed’ how do you think that will make them feel?  It certainly will not achieve the effect that may be intended.  It will only add to the hatred they have towards themselves, the frustration they already feel and the hopelessness.

So what should you do?

• Let your friend or family member know that you are there to listen.  A simple text to say ‘How are you?’ goes a long way.
• Make time to see them, suggest a day out shopping, dinner at a restaurant or watch a film at the cinema.
• Never judge and never assume how they feel.  Instead, say phrases like ‘I can see how this is making you feel.’  Never say you understand if you don’t.
• Avoid clichés, saying phrases like ‘pull yourself together’ and ‘chin up’ is counterproductive.  If it was that easy then people would not be depressed!
• Be careful of what you say.  Old phrases like ‘looney bin’, ‘mental home’, ‘you’re mental’ and ‘he’s nuts’ can be very offensive. 

Time to Change, Rethink and Mind have pages dedicated to tips on what to say and how to be there for somebody who is suffering from a mental illness.  Some of the information above has been pinched from those sites.  The links below will help you:

http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/talk-about-mental-health/tips

http://www.rethink.org/carers-family-friends/what-you-need-to-know/supporting-someone-with-a-mental-illness

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/how-can-friends-and-family-help/?o=9222#.U1T9c1VdXL0

Remember, that one text, note or conversation could make a huge difference to somebody who is suffering from a mental illness.  Let somebody know today that you are thinking of them.  

Children with mental illness – tips for parents

Before I begin I would like to mention that children's health, especially children's mental health, is not my area of knowledge so I will not offer a list of symptoms or behaviours that should alert parents to think that they could possibly have a mental illness.  Children can exhibit symptoms that are not alike to adult mental illness and parents can tell what is normal and abnormal behaviour in their children.  If you are concerned that your child could be suffering from a mental illness then your first point of call is their GP.

But if your child does have a diagnosed mental illness it can be difficult for the child and parents alike.  It is important for the parents to be involved in their child’s treatment and to offer emotional support.  A child experiencing a mental illness can be frightful and confusing.  Children's development is vital for a healthy adult life and, if the mental illness takes hold too much and there is little support, it could affect their mental health into adulthood.  Here are some tips that could help both parents and child.

Talk to the school:  Let their teachers, and any supporting staff, know that your child has a mental illness.  If the teacher knows then they can monitor their behaviour and learning and possibly tailor their education for good and bad days.  It is important to allow the child to complete their education with minimal disruption, which will benefit in the long term.

Keep in the know with the doctor:  Always speak to your doctor if you are not sure about anything to do with your child’s health and treatment.  Make sure you are aware of what medication they are on (if any) and what therapy is being offered.  It will help to feel more in control.

Monitor them:  Make sure they are eating healthy as a balanced diet is essential for growth and development.  Keep an eye on their behaviour, are they acting differently than normal? 

Be there:  No matter if your child is throwing tantrums, crying, screaming or generally acting out, it could be a sign that they need some attention.  Forget the name calling and what they did, let them know that they will not be alone and that they can talk to their parents whenever they need to.  It does not have to be about mental illness, a chat about their day at school is enough.  Trips out to places they enjoy and the like is also a benefit.  A cuddle on the couch whilst watching a favourite TV show together is another example.

Listen to them:  Sometimes there can be subtle hints that all is not well.  Mentioning aches and pains, not feeling ‘right’ and negative comments could be a sign that they are experiencing a bad patch or something needs changing.  Your child knows when they are not well.

Tell them you love them:  There maybe days when the child feels useless, alone, scared, confused and all the above, simply let them know that they are loved by the whole family.  It is a relief to feel that your family will love you unconditionally, whether you are ill or not.

Never ever ignore the warning signs that your child could be suffering from a mental illness.  Simply burying your head in the sand will not make the problem go away, but make it much worse for the child.  Please don’t be afraid to ask the child what is wrong, or speak to their teachers to discuss their behaviour at school.  It is vitally important for the child!

As a member of an online support group I have come across young people, often as young as 13, experiencing anxiety, depression, bipolar and schizophrenia and often feeling alienated, alone and confused.  An adult experiencing a mental illness is tragic, but to hear a child suffering is heartbreaking.  A healthy childhood is paramount for healthy development into adulthood and their childhood cannot be robbed by mental illness.  But supportive parents could be the key to living happily and healthily.

There is plenty of support for parents who have children with a mental illness.  Mind, SANE and the Samaratans are three excellent support networks, as well as YoungMinds, Barnardos and the NSPCC.  Do not be afraid to ask for help!

We Still Need to Talk - Report and petition from We Need to Talk campaign

We Need To Talk is a coalition campaign for better access for talking therapies for those who need it.  Mental health charities, Royal colleges, service providers and professional organisations have come together with a common belief that talking therapies are effective for treating mental illnesses.

Recently, the campaign published the report We Still Need To Talk.  It explains how people feel regarding the current state of referral, waiting time and quality of talking therapies under the NHS and how beneficial talking therapies are.  It reveals shocking statistics, like ‘One in five people with severe mental illness are waiting more than a year to get psychological therapies’ and ‘58 per cent of people weren’t offered choice in the type of therapies they received’.  Whilst the NHS provides a choice of treatment and place of treatment for patients with physical illnesses this is still not happening with those receiving treatment for mental illness, one survey responder saying ‘We were referred to a bi-weekly full day group therapy programme almost 50 miles away from home. This is not do-able.’

I am a firm believer that increasing the availability of talking therapies would greatly help those to stay or to return to work.  A better mental health means less days off sick and better productivity.  The report showed these statistics:

‘In 2008, it was estimated that £1 billion in economic benefits could be achieved each year by extending NICE-recommended treatments to all those with depression, with treatment costs vastly outweighed by higher government revenues and reduced welfare payments, as well as wider social benefits.’

                www.rethink.org/media/869903/We_still_need_to_talk.pdf, p10

I urge people to read the report (link below) and to sign the petition to introduce a waiting time for talking therapies – from time of referral – to 28 days, or sooner in serious circumstances.  It is appalling that the NHS has no target or maximum waiting time for talking therapy or treatment for those with a mental illness.  With an introduction to a target or maximum waiting time treatment for those who desperately need it will become more available, having a much lesser effect on peoples’ personal lives and employment, as well as avoiding the risk of developing a serious, and more long term, mental illness.

Report: http://www.rethink.org/media/869903/We_still_need_to_talk.pdf

Petition: http://e-activist.com/ea-action/action?ea.client.id=32&ea.campaign.id=24068

*All statistics and information gained from the We Still Need to Talk report.

Why The Sun's headline was irresponsible

On Monday 7^th October popular tabloid newspaper The Sun published on their front page ‘1,200 killed by mental patients’.  When I went onto Twitter that morning my feeds were full of tweets regarding the headline from mental health charities and other followers.  It shocked me so much I didn’t believe it at first, until I went onto the tabloid’s website.

The Sun is completely irresponsible for publishing such a headline.  The headline itself, the phrase ‘mental patient’ reminds me of stories of patients suffering inhumane treatment back in the ’70s and ‘80s.  It’s a term, which is derogatory, means a patient who is suffering from a mental illness and receiving treatment.  According to The Sun I am a ‘mental patient’, along with millions of other Britons undergoing treatment for their mental health problems.  The Sun, along with other media, must make an effort in using more acceptable language when addressing someone who has a mental illness.  Mind, a mental health charity, already has a page on this very subject:  http://www.mind.org.uk/help/media/how_to_report_on_health

It was made clear by other tabloids and media that the statistics used by The Sun were fabricated.  Half of those killed were by people with a mental health problem diagnosed BEFORE the murder, the other half by those diagnosed AFTERWARDS.  But looking at statistics of all homicides committed in the UK in that 10 year time span of 2001-2011 those deaths account for 5% of all homicides.  It is still a tragedy that any murder is committed but if The Sun want a shock factor in high number of deaths then they may want to turn their attention to road traffic accidents and drinking related incidents.

What we all must remember is that this level of violence from those with a mental illness is RARE.  Unfortunately films and other entertainment have branded those with schizophrenia and other serious mental illnesses as unstable and dangerous when this really is not the case.  With the correct treatment plan they can lead a normal day-to-day life with limited problems.

Charities such as Mind, Rethink and Time to Change have all worked hard to help end stigma and discrimination against those with a mental illness and irresponsibility from tabloids, like The Sun, ruin their work.  I try to be honest about my illness, it’s my way of breaking the taboo, but since this headline has been published I don’t want to risk being discriminated against.  I am also concerned that this headline will make the public believe that those with a mental illness are dangerous, if so I worry for their safety.  After all, it has been proven that those with a mental illness are more likely to be a victim of crime than the rest of the public.

Using the mind to combat pain

Pain is essential to life.  It tells us when we have something wrong in our body, we treat it or avoid extra damage occurring.  It could be as simple as relieving pressure when you have been sitting down for too long in the same position to extreme pain from a fractured bone.  Without pain we would not feel the warning signs that could save our lives, like the itch or burning sensation from an insect bite that could cause septicaemia or gangrene.  But there comes a time where pain becomes chronic and feeling such pain affects daily life and thus has no use.

Since I started puberty at the age of 11 I started experiencing back pain.  My parents and doctors put it down to growth spurts, an unsuitable mattress and my school bag being too heavy.  After making changes to help my back my pain persisted, getting worse in fact.  When I was 13 I was diagnosed with scoliosis, a side-to-side curvature to the spine.  It caused a lot of pain as muscles were being pulled by my spine.  It was not until I was 16 that the pain reduced, but now that I am 22 I still get persistent pain, especially if I stand for too long.  Obviously, I tried many methods to relieve the pain, from over the counter and prescribed pain killers to using a TENS machine to block the pain signals.  But they wouldn’t always work and if they did the relief was only temporary, so I tried my own method.

Whether it is anxiety, depression or pain we have the ability to control our mind to combat it.  People have been known to use their minds to block pain signals, either to reduce the pain or eliminate it all together.  There are different methods used by different people, but I will share my method to you.  It’s hard to do over the internet, so I will do it step-by-step.

1.       Travel to the source of the pain:

Close your eyes.  Travel your vision from your eyes to the source of pain.  Imagine your vision, as it travels, being accompanied by energy.  If you have a pain in your knee imagine your vision travelling from your eyes, down your neck, into the torso, to your groin, down your thigh and ending at the knee.  Now see the pain as a raging flame.

2.       Embrace the pain:

Imagine this energy having arms.  Wrap these arms over the pain and embrace it tightly.  Instead of the flames burning the arms they are containing the flames within them.

3.       Douse the flames:

As the arms contain the flame imagine the flame slowly fading.  As the arms slowly wrap closer and tighter imagine the flame slowly dying, gradually becoming smaller.  The once ravage flames shrink as small as a candle light.

I will tell you the truth; this method is not easy and does take practise.  Try practising it at home or on your way to work on the bus.  You can use this method for depression and anxiety too, visualise the pain in your stomach, chest, heart or mind, wherever you feel the pain, as a flame, or whatever personification suits you best.  As you master this technique you will be able to take control.

*This was originally posted on my old WordPress blog*