What I hate about Christmas

Only a few weeks until Christmas.  Many people are already in the festive spirit.  Decorations light up homes and streets, shops are full of customers and it’s hard to have a conversation without mentioning the holidays.  People are happy and cheerful, but not all of us.

What does Christmas remind me off?  Poverty and loneliness.  Yeah, OK, not something you particularly want to read when you’re counting down the sleeps, but not everybody is in the festive mood. 

This year, despite making great achievements and memories, I have spent most of it in depression.  To some of my friends and family that may come as a shock, I might look OK, as I go about my days pretending to be so, but in my mind it has been gripped by darkness.  It’s somewhat become my default state.

Since November I have thought of Christmas like an impending dentist appointment.  The thought of buying presents, the thought of putting on that cheerful face and spending time with my family.  I sound like an awful person, don’t I?  Like me explain.

What I despise about Christmas is the importance of buying presents.  Think back to Black Friday on 28^th November 2014, pictures and videos showed shoppers fighting over products, trampling on people and ransacking shops.  It showed greed at its best.  There is a huge emphasis on buying expensive presents, and when money is tight it’s more important to get them at a bargain price.  Adverts show the latest tablet, laptop, TV, games and kitchen appliances that people crave.  But what about the people who try to buy their loved ones what they want when money is low?

Because of life circumstances during the last few months I have been unable to buy any presents.  The need to buy presents for my family has become consuming.  I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Do I buy presents and risk going in the red, cutting back on the heating and food bills, or feel guilty, frugal and disappointed in myself by not? 

And then once the presents are bought, there then comes the dreaded day.  Everybody is smiling, seeing family members for the first time in God knows when, smelling the food cooking in the kitchen, looking at the mountain of wrapped presents in the living room and hearing those familiar Christmas songs.  Everybody is happy on Christmas Day, it’s almost a crime not to be, but if you suffer from depression, if nothing else makes you happy, then neither will Christmas.

It’s the day where I have to act more than any other day.  When I want to avoid everyone and hide I have to join in with jokes, laughter, games and happiness.  Acting more makes me want to cry.  Why can’t I be that happy, I often think to myself.  I struggle to tell people how I feel anyway, but to tell them on Christmas Day?  Not a chance.

And when depressed people are portrayed as negative, and many other adjectives, invitations out to parties and dinners become less, or non-existent.  It can feel hurtful standing on the perimeter when you watch people exchange presents from exclusive Secret Santa groups and talk about upcoming Christmas Do’s that you’re not invited to.  It’s exceptionally hurtful when they’re the friends you lost from previous depressive episodes.  Who wants to be friends with a depressed person anyway?

Just to sound remotely human, I do honestly wish people happiness over the festive period, whatever you believe or celebrate.  I wish that upon everybody, every day of the year.

Suicide - who is actually selfish here?

CAUTION - this blog may be triggering.

Like millions of other people, I woke up to discover the news of Robin William’s death on 12^th August 2014.  As a kid from the 90s he was a man who brought me laughter and tears.  Whilst any death is deeply sad to discover, his suicide only makes it worse.  It has come to light that he suffered from severe depression.

Depression is still very poorly understood, by the general public and researchers alike.  There is still the perception that depression is an emotion, rather than an illness, and people cannot understand why those, who are surrounded by loved ones, money and good fortune, would want to take their life.  Researchers still cannot understand why some of us will suffer from the illness whilst others won’t, and what causes the illness.

What is probably more poorly understood about depression is suicide.  People perceive it as a cowardice, selfish or attention seeking act.  This is far from the truth.  People who are suicidal don’t want to hurt their loved ones, or cause trauma to others, they simply want to vanish, to not feel the pain (or nothingness) anymore. 

Depression, as an illness, is incredibly debilitating.  Not only does it sap people of their happiness and energy, it saps them of their hope.  Simple, daily tasks like having a shower, making a cup of tea or to make basic choices are a great challenge.  Things that people once loved doing, like seeing friends, baking, reading and more are no longer enjoyed and no longer bring any pleasure.  There is no care in appearance.  The senses are dulled, colour is no longer bright and sweet sounds just a noise.  Not only do people get headaches, joint pains, stomach aches and general pains, the mental anguish of feeling like a failure, worthless and a waste is far worse.  There is a feeling of nothingness.  And when it continues for weeks and months hope slowly slips away that there will be an end or a relief, and how people would be better off without you. 

With depression still somewhat a taboo and people too ashamed to speak out in fear of being stigmatised, is it really surprising that people wear a facade and try all they can to live on like nothing is wrong?  Is it surprising that people just want it to end?  That’s what breaks my heart the most.  It doesn’t matter if they’re a well known public figure or somebody’s friend from down the road, finding out that somebody has committed suicide is painful to discover.  How lonely that person must have felt, how much pain they must have been in, to end it in such tragic circumstances. 

And I somewhat blame the public for this.  Depression is seen as a weakness, a choice, and an emotion.  OK, it’s hard to really explain to somebody how depression feels without them having gone through it themselves, but at what cost does it take to be sympathetic?  How difficult is it to ask somebody if they’re OK, or to invite them over for a cup of tea?  If people can ask their loved ones how they are after an infection, an operation or accident, why can’t they ask their friends suffering from a mental illness if they’re OK?  People who suffer from depression, and any mental illness for that matter, need the love of their friends and family to carry on.  They don’t ask them to be an expert on their illness or to be their carer, they just want them to care and to understand that they may be having a bad day, or a bad patch.  Stigmatising somebody, telling them to ‘get on with it’ or to ‘stop being stupid’ only makes their pain worse.

That is selfish.

So, I ask you, if you know somebody who has a mental illness, just do one thing, for them.  Send them a text or Facebook message, give them a call, invite them over for a chat, visit the park with them, let them know that you care and that you are there.  It doesn’t take much, and that can go a very long way.  You could be saving their life.

Antidepressants – the falsified ‘magic’ pill

The problem with western medicine in that there is an emphasis on quick fixes.  Got an infection?  Get some antibiotics from the doctors.  Got back ache?  Neck some paracetamol that are hiding in the cupboard somewhere.  Job done.  Whilst this can work for some physical illnesses, this is not the case for mental illnesses.

The unfortunately truth about mental illnesses is that they take time, and lots of it, to heal.  For some, a few months or a few years, whilst others it can take a whole lifetime, or never.  Despite what these miracle programs like The Speakmans present, there is no quick fix.  Years of phobia, obsession or depression cannot be cured in a day (unless you are one of a very few lucky people out there).

Unlike pain killers and antibiotics, antidepressants take considerable time to work.  One of the biggest problems with antidepressants is how long it takes for the positive effects to take shape.  For the first two to four weeks (or up to eight weeks for some) symptoms of anxiety and depression can increase.  Different medication and different people experience different side effects.  Some are quite fortunate and may only experience mild shakiness for a couple of weeks, whilst some can experience extremely severe anxiety, dizziness, suicidal thoughts, nausea, weight gain, sleepiness and electric shock sensations.  For some, these are too unbearable to wait out.

And even when the initial side effects have subsided, the desired effects may not ever take hold.  The idea of antidepressants is to make the symptoms of anxiety and depression more tolerable to carry out normal day-to-day duties and for therapies to work better.  For some people the symptoms of anxiety and depression remain as so, or can worsen.  There is no definitive answer on how people will feel until they take the antidepressants.

I said earlier that antidepressants are to make the symptoms of anxiety and depression MORE TOLERABLE.  Unfortunately, people still believe that they are used to cure them, although I’m sure they have cured people in the past, I have yet to meet one of them.  There is still little understanding  why some people have anxiety and depression and others don’t, and what parts of the body are responsible, but there is strong evidence that talking therapies work far better than antidepressants. 

Antidepressants only mask the problem.  Sure, anxiety symptoms are uncomfortable and depression is hard to live with, but masking the symptoms does not treat the illness.  Talking therapies, such as counselling, Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy and psychoanalysis help to unravel memories that may have contributed to the illness, any feelings that need exploring and struggles that need a route to overcome, whilst talking to somebody who is impartial, empathic, and who can provide safety.  I cannot express the benefit of discussing something that is deep, personal and painful to somebody who you can trust, and that overwhelming feeling of it finally being off your chest.  And there is also the added benefit of learning coping techniques!  Different therapies provide different benefits, something that I will explore in a later blog.  This is worth discussing with a doctor or mental health professional when discussing a treatment plan.  

It breaks my heart and makes me want to slap my forehead at the same time when I read people posting on forums about how their antidepressants are still making them anxious or depressed.  It breaks my heart that somebody has clearly not explained what their true use is, and makes me sigh that yet another victim has fallen through the trap of false pretences.  I do not blame people entirely, I once thought that they were the answer, but it took for me to experience their effects and research to realise how very wrong I was.

I do not completely disapprove antidepressants.  They can truly help somebody plagued by severe anxiety or depression to take hold of their life again and it can make talking therapies more beneficial.  As long as the individual is aware that antidepressants are not a quick fix or a cure it can avoid disappointment and aid in recovery.

Work and mental health: help or hindrance?

It is widely documented that working, whether paid or not, boosts mental health.  It gives the person a social status, structure, something to keep them physically and mentally active, opportunities to interact with others and achievement.  If the work is paid it obviously brings about a financial reward which contributes towards living costs and treats.  The Royal College of Psychiatrists expresses these benefits and even suggests that the health risks of not working are far greater than other killer diseases.  There is also an economic benefit if more people worked, cutting down the amount of benefits issued, and the money earned circulating back into the economy.

As somebody who offers information to those suffering from anxiety and depression I always express how important work is to our health.  For those who are still very anxious of the idea of working I suggest voluntary work or entering employment on a part time basis.  However they work, whether it be for one day a week or full time commitment (providing that they are not over-worked) it is vitally important.

But how can I give this advice to people when I hear suffering as a result of work?

I am very lucky that I escaped (yes, escaped!) the retail industry and returned to health care.  Our staff levels were cut to dangerous numbers, which made us feel unsafe at work, and there was always a threat of being sacked for small mistakes, redundancies and shop closures.  I learnt that it was the lack of control I had over my work and lack of job security that caused my anxiety to sky rocket and depression to return more frequently.  Whilst I am now very lucky to be in a job that is not only secure but expects me to use my initiative which, in turn, has made me more mentally healthy and confident.  For many of my friends and ex-colleagues the stress and lack of appreciation is still bringing them down.

It is not only the retail industry that I see this happening (I will say that this does not apply over the whole industry) but everywhere else.  I have seen people working for the council, fire service, healthcare service, banks, and many other sectors suffering from stress.  More often than not this is over job security, fearing when their contract will be terminated and how they will survive, and being overworked.  I have seen people look pale, beaten down, thin and on the brink of breakdown because their work life is proving too much.

I have said since I started campaigning for better mental health awareness that work related stress needs to be taken incredibly seriously.  It is a health and safety issue.  If people are stressed this can cause a drop in performance, increase the number of mistakes, increase staff absences and the risk of developing a mental illness.  It is worrisome that employers leave this mental health hazard open and risk their staff to a lifelong, debilitating condition.  If employers stress the mental health implications of physical injuries at work then why can they not put measures in place to protect employee’s mental health in the first instance?

How can this be ignored when:

• Around 25 working days are lost per case of stress
• Factors intrinsic to work is the leading factor contributing to mental illness
• Large workplaces have the highest prevalence of stress, small workplaces having the lowest
• Workload is the leading cause of stress, with lack of managerial support coming second

(http://www.hse.gov.uk/statistics/causdis/stress/stress.pdf)

Further reading

Health and Safety Executive http://www.hse.gov.uk/

Royal College of Psychiatrists http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/

Signing off, for now

Hello readers

With a busy schedule I will not be posting any more blogs for the next couple of months.  This is because my attention is needed for my college course and in completing my novel for the autumn.  I regret that I cannot offer any time to my little blog page but I shall not disappoint in the future.

Take care everybody and stay awesome,
JB

'You have no reason to be depressed'

There are plenty of blogs, websites and documents that explain what people should and should not say to somebody who is living with a mental illness.  Most of the time these comments are said innocently, assuming what they say will change the thought process of the other person.  But with the fantastic effort of mental health charities and anti-stigma champions it is now at the point where ignorance is no longer an excuse.

The sentence that makes my skin crawl with unease and frustration is ‘you have no reason to be depressed’.  I have had close friends and relatives say this to me more than asking me if I am alright.  Why do I take such offence of this?  Firstly, it is personal, because the word 'you' is used.  Secondly, it is incredibly judgmental, as if knowing exactly what the other person is thinking and feeling.  People say this because they do not understand why somebody, who looks happy and well on the outside, should be feeling so low in the inside, and hope that saying this will trigger a thought in their mind.  Unfortunately, that is far from the truth.  Telling somebody who is suffering from depression that they have no reason to will only add more hurt and frustration.  Why is that?

• Depression is not an emotion, it is an illness.  Whilst people can control emotions, to a degree, people cannot control whether they will become depressed or not.  Considering how painful (physically and emotionally) depression is people would chose NOT to be depressed.
• Nobody has the right to judge others.  So let me use an example below.

Jim is in his mid-thirties.  He has been married for almost ten years and has two young children.  He works full time as a quality manager and the commute is relatively easy, his wife works at the local nursery part time.  He enjoys taking the children to the park to feed the ducks and reads fantasy novels in his spare time. 

The passage gives the impression that Jim has a somewhat idyllic life.  He works, he has a home, wife, children and hobbies.  But Jim suffers from depression.  You may read the passage back and think ‘but he has no reason to be depressed’.  Would you tell Jim that?  How do you think Jim would feel?

Let’s go back to the passage.  Jim is married with two young children.  The marriage is at breaking point and they constantly row.  One of his children suffers from autism so his spare time is often spent on the children to keep them entertained or calm.  He works as a quality manager.  At work he is getting bullied by other colleagues and the work is often too much for him to cope with.  Whilst he enjoys reading and taking the children to the park he has recently lost the enjoyment and interest he had for those activities.  Because of stress at work and home he is often overeating for comfort, he suffers from headaches, backache and stomach ache and he does not sleep enough, which is often fractured.  He is still troubled by a trauma from his childhood that often appears in dreams and flashbacks.  

People who suffer from depression will not necessarily have a situation in their life to cause or contribute to their illness.  For some people depression can appear out of the blue.  However depression starts it can leave the person feeling drained, hopeless and at fault.  People often over or undereat, have fractured sleep and rise early, suffer from aches and pains and become possessed by negative thoughts.  In some cases people may self harm, have suicidal thoughts or even attempt suicide.

Now considering how people feel during depression if you were to tell them ‘you have no reason to be depressed’ how do you think that will make them feel?  It certainly will not achieve the effect that may be intended.  It will only add to the hatred they have towards themselves, the frustration they already feel and the hopelessness.

So what should you do?

• Let your friend or family member know that you are there to listen.  A simple text to say ‘How are you?’ goes a long way.
• Make time to see them, suggest a day out shopping, dinner at a restaurant or watch a film at the cinema.
• Never judge and never assume how they feel.  Instead, say phrases like ‘I can see how this is making you feel.’  Never say you understand if you don’t.
• Avoid clichés, saying phrases like ‘pull yourself together’ and ‘chin up’ is counterproductive.  If it was that easy then people would not be depressed!
• Be careful of what you say.  Old phrases like ‘looney bin’, ‘mental home’, ‘you’re mental’ and ‘he’s nuts’ can be very offensive. 

Time to Change, Rethink and Mind have pages dedicated to tips on what to say and how to be there for somebody who is suffering from a mental illness.  Some of the information above has been pinched from those sites.  The links below will help you:

http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/talk-about-mental-health/tips

http://www.rethink.org/carers-family-friends/what-you-need-to-know/supporting-someone-with-a-mental-illness

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/how-can-friends-and-family-help/?o=9222#.U1T9c1VdXL0

Remember, that one text, note or conversation could make a huge difference to somebody who is suffering from a mental illness.  Let somebody know today that you are thinking of them.  

Praise your achievements

After a long stint of not very positive blogs (apart from the last entry) I suppose I must write what the title of the blogpage suggests, something POSITIVE!

As I have said in previous blogs I am an anxiety sufferer, probably for as long as I can remember.  I have cancelled appointments (one being an interview to become an air-stewardess) because the anxiety was too much to bear.  My recent achievement, visiting a prestigious commercial barrister chambers in Gray’s Inn, London, was probably my biggest challenge in terms of my anxiety.  Nerves were running so high my chest hurt from over-breathing and a racing heart and I felt physically sick.  I will admit, I contemplated on cancelling, but the information I obtained was well worth it!

Apart from the amazing experience, the invaluable information and contact that I received the day improved my mental health.  I have learnt over the years how harmless anxiety symptoms really are, but I could not deny how unbearably uncomfortable they were at the time.  Leaving chambers I learnt that a) I am still alive and healthy (most importantly) b) never let anxiety get in your way and c) the rewards are indeed fruitful.  I was very self-conscious of my social status, which was the likely cause of most of the anxiety, as a comprehensive school alumni and university drop out visiting a set full of private/public school and Oxbridge graduates!  But that was washed away when a wave of confidence came over me.  If I could do this then I could do absolutely, blooming ANYTHING!  I strutted through London like I was important (lol).

Whilst this is a massive achievement it is worth baring in mind the small achievements I have made.  At the time of this blog being posted I have been panic attack free for fourteen months, my paranoia and OCD traits has lessened dramatically and I can argue against my anxious mind more intellectually (‘no, that person is not laughing at me’ and ‘the outcome is very unlikely to be the worst case scenario’).  I even forget about the time I moved from the Kentish coast to London and planning on own wedding and often don’t view these as achievements, when they really are!  But are they really small achievements?

If a person with agoraphobia can step outside their home for the first time in ten years then that one, small step is certainly a massive achievement.  If somebody with social anxiety can visit friends in the pub with minimal anxiety and enjoy themselves then that is a massive achievement.  If somebody with major depression can get out of bed, wash and eat a small breakfast then that is also a massive achievement.  What we must remember is that our achievements should not be compared to other people’s, but compared to where we have come from and where we are now.  Anything that challenges the anxiety and depression and leaves a positive feeling afterwards (although this may not be quite the same after a negative experience, like visiting the hospital) is an achievement, and should be rewarded!

Sometimes relapses are more noticeable than achievements.  We all want to be free of anxiety and depression and set backs are frustrating (like experiencing a panic attack for the first time in months or lacking energy) but relapses are very common.  Instead of punishing ourselves with relapses we should use it as an opportunity to learn from previous mistakes (whether drinking that bottle of wine last night was a good idea or pushing oneself too far too soon), ride the relapse and get back to where we were before the relapse. 

So these are things worth remembering:

• Praise every achievement, no matter how big or small they may seem
• NEVER compare your achievements to others, in fact, don’t compare yourself to others at all
• Relapses are common, never beat yourself up if you do relapse
• Remember where you came from and where you are today!

My Mad Fat Diary S2 triumphs!

Another outstanding series, My Mad Fat Diary has triumphed!  Proceeding from the last series in 2013 Rae Earl, the protagonist in this inspiring story, starts her new life in college, which has caused her an array of problems.  From pre-college nerves, to wanting to be accepted amongst new peers, bullying and to panic attacks this series has probably covered all of our worst nightmares whilst being in education, with perfect execution.  The series ends with a massive explosion of facing her demons, from regrouping her amazing friends, standing up to the bully, re-establishing her relationship with her mother and meeting her baby sister.

My husband and I watched both series without fail, it became our Monday night ritual, and I called it my therapy.  Why did I call it therapy?  Because, despite being a creative writer, I struggle to find the words to describe how I am feeling.  When anxiety takes hold or depression swarms in my mind is empty, with only fog and squiggles.  What flooded my mind before self-harming was a catacomb of mess.  But My Mad Fat Diary reached out to me in a deep way, more often in a painful way, and Rae would often describe those moments of fear, confusion, pain and abandonment with words that would often evade me, and those words described it perfectly to the letter.  But not only did it help me find the words, it also made me realise that there are people out there who feel exactly as I do, and it’s OK to feel like that.

What was brought up that, which troubled me in respects to my illness, was the issue of how mental illness can consume our lives.  We can become so absorbed in our own thoughts, feelings and pains that we forget that the world continues to rise and fall around us.  Whilst we struggle with our battle we begin to forget that there are other battles to win, and they may not be our own.  From Rae’s point of view she struggles with the impending college performance, still in pain from almost being raped, abandonment and having her home life fall apart that she becomes blind of what is happening to her best friend, Chloe, who is battling her demons of low self-esteem and self worth by involving herself with men who take advantage of her.  In the end they both feel abandoned, trying to win the almighty fight on their own when, in the end, their support for each other gives them the strength to concur all. It took Rae to deceive her best friend by reading her diary to truly understand that Chloe is in much pain as she is, and she needs her help.

After getting over a period of time of thinking ‘I’m so blooming selfish!’ I began to realise that sometimes I become so absorbed in me that sometimes friends and family need me to be strong for them.  And Finn, the guardian angel and voice of reason, tells Rae that everybody has problems, everybody feels hurt, we just have to be strong.  We must stand up, shoulders back, head high, and not see the world as a cruel place, feeling like we’re the unlucky ones, but to realise that we are all not alone.  Problems happen, but getting through them can make us better people, more wise and able to face other problems in the future.  What is stopping us, is us.

I am not saying that our problems are meaningless and petty, everybody’s problems are important to them.  What we must remember is that whether we have anxiety, depression, schizophrenia or a personality disorder, it is not us.  A diagnosis cannot and shall not be the foundation of who we are.  To live life every day with a mental illness is a challenge in its own right, then to have life problems thrown into the mixture.  If we can get through the day then we are strong!  We are not the awful, ugly people that we paint ourselves to be everyday.  We are strong, and we are beautiful.

To round this blog off I would like to give my massive congratulations to the whole team who made My Mad Fat Diary the amazing success that it is, everybody on and off stage.  Sharon Rooney, who plays Rae Earl, played her part excellently (and what a pair of lungs she has!) and enabled us to connect to her character, to laugh with her, to cry with her, to feel her pain.  I also want to give my up most respect to the Rae Earl.  To beat mental illness stigma we must be upfront and honest about our illness, the struggles, the pains, the treatment, the lot.  Her courage to share her story will inspire many people who battle mental illness everyday, to believe that we are strong, beautiful people.  Thank you, Rae.

Better education and awareness in children's mental health

I have recently published two blogs regarding children’s mental health.  The first was about the lack of help for children with mental health problems and the second on tips for parents.  Recently the news reported on the issue that many adults do not know what the signs of a mental illness are in children, with them being failed by their schools and other professionals.

It is estimated that 850,000 children have a diagnosed mental health problem.  Diagnosed.  This number could be far higher if every child with a mental health problem was diagnosed.  But with a third of adults not aware of the symptoms of depression, such as waking up early and boredom, children are not receiving the help they so desperately need.

There are news reports of children being locked up in police cells for their own safety, mental health meetings being held in cafés (although this is a separate debate all together) and children receiving little to no support from an underfunded and under-resourced services. To help adults spot the signs of a mental illness in a child, thus leading on to them receiving help as soon as possible, a website has been launched called MindEd.

MindEd is a website designed to raise awareness and to educate adults who work with children and families about children’s mental health.  It helps adults to spot the signs of an illness and how and where to receive help for that child.  It is packed with resources that are easy to understand and can be viewed on laptops, computers, tablets and phones.  This education could create the domino effect and raise better awareness, treatment and support for children with a mental illness and their families.

With this and talks of introducing a professional to work in schools to spot the signs of mental illness and to support them and their families children will begin to receive the help they deserve, which could reduce the number of those with a mental illness in adulthood.

Spotting the signs of a mental illness in a child could save them from developing a mental illness in adulthood if it is treated as soon as possible.  If you are unsure whether a child’s symptoms are that of a mental illness it is better to refer them to help to be on the safe side.  You could be saving a child from developing a disability.

Child mental health issues ‘missed’: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-26662873

Children with mental illness – tips for parents: http://positive-mental-health.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/children-with-mental-illness-tips-for.html

Mental health help ‘needed in schools’: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-26685550

MindEd: https://www.minded.org.uk/

Young people and mental illness: http://positive-mental-health.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/young-people-and-mental-illness.html

The fight or flight response and your anxiety

When suffering from anxiety, whether it be a short anxiety attack or a more chronic anxiety disorder, the symptoms experienced are triggered by the fight or flight (or F&F) response.  This mechanism is vital for our performance and can save our lives from danger, but when this is triggered when there is no obvious danger the response itself can be frightful and disruptive.

Whilst circulating among the support groups one of the most common concerns regarding anxiety is the symptoms.  Advice I have read for coping with anxiety often object to the idea of understanding why or how these symptoms arise, but I believe that if sufferers understood how the F&F response works, and why, and explain why we experience the symptoms and what their benefits truly are then the anxiety could be greatly reduced.

The F&F response gives us extra energy, better focus and faster reflexes.  This enables us to fight the danger or run away from it, as well as looking out for the danger.  In the time of when we were hunter gatherers this protected us against other tribes and predators.  In the modern era it helps us to focus better on exams and deadlines, giving parents that extra energy to protect their children from danger and to prepare us for a fight. 

The adrenaline released, triggered by the Sympathetic Nervous System (thus triggering the F&F response) encourages the body to divert energy from different parts of the body to the musculo-skeletal system, circulatory system, respiratory system and the brain.  This response affects a very large amount of the body.  Below I will list different parts of the body, the symptoms caused and counter symptoms caused that is often experienced in anxiety:

Senses:

Dilated pupils = fuzzy vision and flashes.

Heightened hearing = ringing.

Sensitive to touch = over-reactive.

Breathing:

Increased rate and shallow = tingling in extremities, numbness, chest pain from hyperventilation, fuzzy vision, ringing in ears and imbalance.

Heart rate:

Quick and fierce = chest pain and palpitations.

Muscles:

Extra energy = spasms, twitches and shakes.

Sharpened reflexes = twitches and shakes.

Digestive and urinary:

Slowed down = nausea, flactuance and stomach ache.

Evacuating = soft or runny stools and frequent urination.

Cognitive:

Increased alertness and awareness = ‘doom and gloom’ (believing that one is going to die), sensitive to the environment (i.e. sudden movements and noises), fearful of unknown, negative thoughts and socially isolated.

It is important to remember that the F&F response and all the symptoms above are not harmful.  A response that is meant to save your life will not kill or harm you.  The symptoms, at the appropriate time, are there to help us.  When trying to calm the body down the best things to do are to take long, deep breaths (which then triggers the heart rate to reduce), remember that the symptoms are not harmful and that they will pass.  Reminding yourself that there is no danger is also important, and so are distraction techniques as the body naturally calms down.

Please do not use this as a diagnostic tool, if you believe a symptom is not typical to anxiety or is causing concern then speak to your doctor.

Children with mental illness – tips for parents

Before I begin I would like to mention that children's health, especially children's mental health, is not my area of knowledge so I will not offer a list of symptoms or behaviours that should alert parents to think that they could possibly have a mental illness.  Children can exhibit symptoms that are not alike to adult mental illness and parents can tell what is normal and abnormal behaviour in their children.  If you are concerned that your child could be suffering from a mental illness then your first point of call is their GP.

But if your child does have a diagnosed mental illness it can be difficult for the child and parents alike.  It is important for the parents to be involved in their child’s treatment and to offer emotional support.  A child experiencing a mental illness can be frightful and confusing.  Children's development is vital for a healthy adult life and, if the mental illness takes hold too much and there is little support, it could affect their mental health into adulthood.  Here are some tips that could help both parents and child.

Talk to the school:  Let their teachers, and any supporting staff, know that your child has a mental illness.  If the teacher knows then they can monitor their behaviour and learning and possibly tailor their education for good and bad days.  It is important to allow the child to complete their education with minimal disruption, which will benefit in the long term.

Keep in the know with the doctor:  Always speak to your doctor if you are not sure about anything to do with your child’s health and treatment.  Make sure you are aware of what medication they are on (if any) and what therapy is being offered.  It will help to feel more in control.

Monitor them:  Make sure they are eating healthy as a balanced diet is essential for growth and development.  Keep an eye on their behaviour, are they acting differently than normal? 

Be there:  No matter if your child is throwing tantrums, crying, screaming or generally acting out, it could be a sign that they need some attention.  Forget the name calling and what they did, let them know that they will not be alone and that they can talk to their parents whenever they need to.  It does not have to be about mental illness, a chat about their day at school is enough.  Trips out to places they enjoy and the like is also a benefit.  A cuddle on the couch whilst watching a favourite TV show together is another example.

Listen to them:  Sometimes there can be subtle hints that all is not well.  Mentioning aches and pains, not feeling ‘right’ and negative comments could be a sign that they are experiencing a bad patch or something needs changing.  Your child knows when they are not well.

Tell them you love them:  There maybe days when the child feels useless, alone, scared, confused and all the above, simply let them know that they are loved by the whole family.  It is a relief to feel that your family will love you unconditionally, whether you are ill or not.

Never ever ignore the warning signs that your child could be suffering from a mental illness.  Simply burying your head in the sand will not make the problem go away, but make it much worse for the child.  Please don’t be afraid to ask the child what is wrong, or speak to their teachers to discuss their behaviour at school.  It is vitally important for the child!

As a member of an online support group I have come across young people, often as young as 13, experiencing anxiety, depression, bipolar and schizophrenia and often feeling alienated, alone and confused.  An adult experiencing a mental illness is tragic, but to hear a child suffering is heartbreaking.  A healthy childhood is paramount for healthy development into adulthood and their childhood cannot be robbed by mental illness.  But supportive parents could be the key to living happily and healthily.

There is plenty of support for parents who have children with a mental illness.  Mind, SANE and the Samaratans are three excellent support networks, as well as YoungMinds, Barnardos and the NSPCC.  Do not be afraid to ask for help!

Young people and mental illness

Recently in the news reports have come through regarding young people and mental illness.  By ‘young people’ I am referring to children, teenagers and young adults.

The first report that caught my attention was the use of police cells to section those who are at risk of harm as a result of their mental health.  While it is satisfying to know that during a mental health crisis there will be somebody to help the use of police cells almost gives the young person a sense of criminality rather than being in a place of safety.  The report said that this often happens when there are not any free psychiatric beds and the use of police cells are to keep them safe until one does become free.  Help for those with mental health problems are disgustingly low, but to hear about children spending up to twenty-four hours in a police cell is discomforting to read.

(http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-25900085 - 26 January 2014)

The next report, although the lesser of the evil above, is still not acceptable.  Children and young people admitted for mental health problems are often referred to adult mental health wards.  Although this is only a last resort option it is still shocking to read that 350 young people under the age of 18 between 2013-14 were admitted to these adult wards, a rise of 108 from two years previous.  One patient reported how strict the rules were in the wards, meaning that friends and family could not visit her, which could only further add to her distress.

(http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-26255533 - 20 February 2014)

In the last report AnxietyUK and YouthNet warn that young people need help with their anxiety and for it to be better recognised by their GPs, with guidelines set by the National Institute of health and Care Excellence (NICE).  Many GP’s are only prescribing medication when NICE’s guidelines instruct that psychological treatment is required as well, such as counselling.  Anxiety disorders are disruptive and constricting, in regards to getting a job and enjoy life, whilst for teenagers it can have a more sociological affect.  A girl in the report explained that she could not go to parties if there were people she did not know and she had to commute earlier to work to avoid the busy rush hour. 

(http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/26273892 - 21 February 2014)

It is disturbing read to find out that children, teenagers and young adults are being plagued by mental illness with lack of support, whether it be from family, friends, school, work, the health system or a mixture of the above.  Young people should be concentrating their time on friends, schooling, work, future prospects and the things they enjoy, whether it be sports, music, art and more.  Young people developing a mental illness can greatly affect their life, from social isolation to lack of self confidence and self esteem, which could affect them into their adult years and, in the worst case scenario, their mental health could worsen from lack of proper support.

Whilst I argue that treating mental illnesses needs to be improved across the spectrum I believe correctly diagnosing, supporting and treating children, teenagers and young adults should be priority.  As an adult I understand how difficult it is to live with anxiety and depression and, whilst I suffered with it as a teenager, it breaks my heart to read that, ten years after my illness developed, we are still ignoring the warning signs.  Children should be able to be children, and teenagers to be teenagers, and not to miss a single day of their youth because of a mental illness.

My next blog will be giving advice to parents who have children with a mental illness and what they can do to get support themselves.

Get a hobby!

Firstly, apologies for the absence.  I've recently moved from Surrey to Kent and am trying to get to grips with my work transfer, commuting and other annoyances involved in a move that I've been quite knackered, to say the least.

Secondly, I hope you take my blog title in good humour, as it's intended.


I find myself often giving the same advice to those who are plagued by negative and other distressing thoughts associated with anxiety and depression, and that is to get a hobby.  It is a fantastic way of keeping your mind focused on learning or on a project whilst increasing your self esteem, self worth and confidence.  It's also a good opportunity to relax and unwind from a tough day and it can reduce your stress.  But giving the advice is easier said than done, since people are often left lost, not knowing what hobby to pursue and the self doubts that follow.

To help narrow down what hobby you may want to pursue in ask yourself these questions:
What am I good at?  Do you find enjoyment when helping the kids with arts and crafts or fancy yourself a chef in the kitchen, these are worth pursuing further.  Half the battle is already done.
What was I good at when I was a child?  Reliving childhood hobbies could be quite revitilising.  Whether you were a keen netball player, convincing mooter or hot on topic journalist you may find that old spark again.  If you're not sure what you were good at then read through old school reports or speak to friends and family who knew you as a child.
What do I want to learn?  This is probably the best approach when gaining a new hobby, because learning a new skill is a massive boost to your self confidence and self esteem.  There's a wide range of hobbies to try, see the non exhaustive list below.

Some people that I speak to regarding this subject often come back and say 'but I'm not good at anything'.  Unfortunately, we are not born with the skills and abilities to be super fantastic awesome at hobbies at the first instance, everything takes time, patience and practise.  Even olympian athletes have to train extensively for years, during most hours god gives them, to get to the level that they compete at.  It's also been said that creative writers need ten to fifteen years of writing before they reach their peak, but don't let that put you off!  By all means don't pursue something you don't enjoy, but don't give up when you've only just begun.

With hundreds of ideas I'll give you some examples below for inspiration:
Academic - local history, sciences, non-fiction writing
Art - painting, home decorating, sculpting
Collecting - stamps, movie merchandise, art
Computing - app design, software developing, computer building
Crafts - knitting, crocheting, jewelry making
Creative writing - poems, short stories, novels
Culinary - baking, cake decorating, food tasting
DIY - masonary, carpentry
Extreme sports - mountain climbing, paragliding, surfing
Languages - french, mandarin, latin
Literature - reading, book clubs, review writing
Media - journalism, blog writing
Music - instrument playing, singing, song writing
Nature - hiking, bird watching, ecology
Spirituality - meditation, yoga
Sports - running, tennis, martial arts
And many, many more....

Once you have some ideas or decided on a hobby you may find that you need a help in hand.  You can find DVDs online and videos on YouTube.  You could ask a friend or relative for a hand or join in a local hobby group.  You can also find websites and internet forums on any hobby you could possibly imagine so you won't be without some form of guidance.

I wish you the best of luck in what ever you decide to pursue in :)

I Cannot Tell You

I don't write poems anymore but a couple of days ago I was hit by inspiration and had to write it all down.  It's only a short poem on the prejudice towards depression but the husband likes it so much that he wants to turn it into a song.  Watch this space and enjoy!


------------------------------------------------------------------

I CANNOT TELL YOU


It's coming back again,
The darkness is creeping in,
Months of hell will come,
Yet I cannot tell you.

Whilst you complain of back aches,
Stubborn colds,
And that infection you got checked.
I am suffering in silence
Because I cannot tell you.

It is a burden living with a real disease
That people see as an excuse.
How can I explain how I'm feeling
When we live in a world of prejudice?
I cannot tell you

People refuse to understand,
'Pull yourself together' they say,
'Snap out of it' they say,
'You have no reason to feel like this' they say.
That's why I cannot tell you.

I wish you understood that this is not my fault,
Even though I blame myself everyday.
I don't ask you to be an expert on my thoughts,
All I ask is for you to care.
So I can tell you.
So I'm not alone.

Educating Eamonn Holmes

When I heard that This Morning was covering the subject of post-Christmas and New Year depression and mental health I was intrigued to watch, to only be made a fool out of…

I am very happy when media debates the subject of mental health, it increases the knowledge and awareness of the subject whilst challenging the stigma and discrimination.  I believe programs like My Mad Fat Diary and the BBC series It’s a Mad World have done a fantastic job in doing so.  But when I tuned into This Morning on the 3^rd January 2014 to hear Eamonn Holmes laughing, saying that those with Generalised Anxiety Disorder ‘are not happy unless they are worrying’ and that all you need is to have a laugh I was left feeling embarrassed, a fool and a laughing stock to the nation.  Like millions of others I am debilitated by my anxiety and depressive episodes, to have somebody belittle the subject and make it humorous is an insult.

I hope Mr Holmes will read this, as I have a few pointers to enlighten him on:

• Mental illness is a REAL disease.  You would not laugh at someone who has diabetes or chronic back pain, so why those with a mental illness?
• Depression is not cured by simply laughing it away, if that were the case millions of us would not be left debilitated by it.
• People with Generalised Anxiety Disorder are certainly NOT happy if they are worrying, it’s the complete opposite, WE WANT TO STOP WORRYING.
• Telling people that they will not recover from bereavement is giving them negative false hope.

I hope This Morning will revisit the subject of mental health in the future as it is very important.  All I ask is that the discussion is approached with more sensitivity and accuracy.  Whilst I understand that good humour is helpful, there is a time, a place, and a better way of doing it.